I lay wide awake on my side trying to get comfortable, it's useless actually and has been for months now. But this time it is different and I know it. There won't be any relaxing today....the clock reads 6:45am and I count the minutes as time goes by. It is time. I gently nudge Dan and he turns my way half asleep. Yes, its time and we don't have much of it.
As usual I slept through most of the early pain and labored at home probably longer than I should have.
I pray my body will hold on for the ride to the hospital....15 minutes away. As handy as Daniel is, I don't think he could “wing it”, when it comes to delivering a baby. We both get out of bed and start to get things together. I hadn't quite finished packing the night before and a load of laundry had to be put in the dryer. I don't want it to mildew while we are away. Dishes still fill the sink and the dish washer needs to be emptied but it doesn't matter. Today is for more important things.....things like miracles.
I pace in front of our car, it is loaded and ready to go. The air smells like rain and the sky is filled with clouds, but I don't mind, I like it that way when I have something hard to face. My dad is on his way to watch over both my babies. They are sleeping, unaware yet of what is going on and that their world is about to change, once again, forever. He steps out of the car-smile on his face, “An exciting day!” He can tell from the strained look on my face that I am anything but excited right now. With a hug and a “I love you Kenny,” we are on our way.
On the drive to the hospital I hold on to the seat bar-with every wave of pain that engulfs my body, my grip gets tighter and my knuckles turn white. “Hurry....Hurry Dan” is all that I can manage. Once we get into the hospital and into a wheel chair, we follow the tiny blue and pink feet that lead us to our destination. Dan picks up the green phone and joyfully announces that we are here to have a baby! It echoes in my head: I am here to have a baby....I am here to have a baby....
By the time we pull up to the desk I am biting my nails, suffering in silence.....like most of the girls in my family, we tend to keep it to ourselves. What's the sense in making a scene, why cause attention to my less than glamorous state. I had hardly taken the time to get ready, a ball cap, sweat pants, and a flannel shirt, not even a thought about a shower. The little person I am meeting today won't care about what I look like and that is all that matters.
The nurse looks at me and then nonchalantly asks Dan questions, they can't find my file....probably because, like my other two children, this one is going to make her grand entrance into the world a week early- almost to the day. Olivia doesn't care that my doctor is on vacation this week and that she should probably have waited till next week, she is doing things her own way and on her own time.
“Has she had children before?” one of the nurses asks. Dan informs her that I’ve given birth to two. I can tell he knows I need him to be quick, even if they aren’t. He keeps glancing over at me.“So she should know if she is in labor or not then?” “ Yes, she is very sure she is in labor.” And with that they finish with their long list of seemingly unimportant questions and direct us into the treoje room.
Dan hurries as he helps pull my clothes off and replace them with the generic hospital gown....and as we both expect, I am dilated to an 8. “Oh you are definitely in labor and you are definitely staying with us this evening,” the nurse announces, as if surprised. Like I said, I KNOW when I'm in labor!
Dan turns away while the nurse attempts to put in my IV. The left arm doesn't work, she blew the vein and I wince as she pulls the long needle back out from underneath my skin.....the right arm is better and she locates a vein that isn't so “curvy.” A couple minutes pass and my veins start to sting as the penicillin hits the blood stream.... I tested positive for Strep B. The nurse checks me again and I am now at a nine plus. The doctor shows up and I say a prayer to myself as I stare at the blinding lights on the speckled white ceiling....:Please let me be able to do this.” Just a few minutes more Kendra and she will be out, it will be all over....just a few minutes more....
Those few minutes seem like an eternity. The doctor breaks my water. Within seconds my entire body is shaking uncontrollably and my legs are on fire. I feel my hips suddenly pop out of joint as my body prepares a way for Olivia to make it into this world. Worst of all, my stomach feels like someone is squeezing it with all their strength....a sponge being wrung out. I struggle to keep from hyperventilating and concentrate on slow controlled breaths.
The nurses try to hold my legs for me, but I insist they please not touch me....touch hurts. The only one I allow to touch me is Dan and he is a helpless participant....kissing my forehead and sweeping the hair off my forehead as my tears run steadily down the sides of my face. I can't keep still and squirm to try and find some relief-but to no avail. My silence is broken and I begin to beg the doctor to PLEASE HELP ME TO GET HER OUT! The team of nurses gently encourage me to push and I am so tired I don't know how I will be able to muster the strength to do it. My nails are digging into Dan's arm now and he grunts with discomfort-no sympathy here.
I push with everything I have and I can feel the pressure mounting. Finally, the nurses announce that her head is out and Daniel says in shock “HOLY HAIR” She has so much of it and so dark too! Just one more push they say...do they really understand how much that one push is going to cost me? I feel her shoulders and I seriously think that I am going to die. Then the rest of her slips out and its over.
They lay her on my chest but I am sobbing and can't get control. Daniel says, “ Look Kendra, she is looking at you!” I look down at Olivia and see her beautifully round face, and her thick head of dark hair...at this moment in time, there is nothing more beautiful, my heart is bursting with love for this tiny little girl and it is all worth it. Daniel kisses me softly and whispers, “I love you....you did it, its over and she is here.”
