The Newest Bauman: Graham Lawrence

The only way to describe this time around is waiting...and waiting...and waiting some more. It's unfamiliar to me really-all the waiting-3 weeks more waiting than any of the others. They came on their own-eager to meet the world and surprising us with a quick entrance-a little too quick for ones liking in most cases-Doctors running down the hall as to not miss doing what they were hired to do-nurses firmly insisting to put off pushing even when there was no stopping the inevitable. No time to think, to second guess, to make decisions-and then it was all over-and another member of our family was suddenly here. Me-a mother for the first, second, third time-just like that.

Not Graham though-he wanted to defy the norm-or maybe he was just too cozy on the inside-too aware of how cold the outside could be or how hard sometimes life is. No amount of walking would do the trick of coaxing him out. And I truly understood the meaning of discomfort. As the doctor put it "you are just running out of room" And so an induction date was set....was it the right thing to do-not letting him just come on his own? Would he be big enough-is that why he was still hanging on?  Would it be worse happening in slow motion instead of full speed? All the worry and anxiety mixed up with excitement, anticipation, dread.I knew what was coming, and what I had to do to get him here-so much pain and hard work. Yet, I was ready to have it done and him here safely.

Even with a set date there was still waiting...laying in bed as the darkness faded into light as 6 am, 8 am, 9 am, 10 am came and went- in and out of sleep-waiting for the hospital to call to tell us we could come-that they were ready-that I was aloud to have a baby at a designated time that day...a strange and foreign way of going about it. Finally the phone vibrates and Dan announces they scheduled us in for 10:30 am:
shower
dress
finish packing....
wet hair in a bun-
naked face-
comfy clothes ...
My pillow under my arm.
Kisses and goodbyes
children-big eyed and loving;
wishes of good luck.
A CTR ring to borrow ...
A declaration of faith....you can do it mom!

See you soon with our new brother....A new brother...one they prayed for... one they have waited for ....one I struggled for.... and one who belongs

I could do it...I did it before...and I would do it again... we were on our way.

We casually check in, and slowly walk to our room-the nurse takes time to write our names on the white board and shows us where we could put our things,where the TV remote is, and how to get to the snack room...people have time for these things here? so unusual...at least for me.

I change alone into my gown, oh the revealing gown-more time to be embarrassed and time to attempt to be modest....so odd-this business of having time...nothing like the rush of before-when Dan had to help me strip my clothes as to hurry on to the next step in the process...

And then I'm in bed and reality sets in-I text my sisters for support-only women can understand and offer what i need...encouragement, confidence, reassurance.  "I'm scared-please send positive thoughts, love, and prayers":
You've got this
Your amazing
We love u
It will all be OK
I am praying for you

Just in time for the I.V. please get it in my "curvy veins" the first time...and thank goodness she did. I already like her. And then...we watch soccer and lick cold Popsicle and wait. The Doctor makes a surprise appearance-whistling as he-pushes the curtain aside. With a devious grin, he rubs his hands together as he excitedly announces we are going to break my water to get things started...

I am not scared by his light hearted/sometimes crazy approach to things...I welcome it....his personality  might not be for everyone but it is OK with me. His energy makes me relax a little-things don't seem as serious or hard when an upbeat person is there to keep your spirits high. This is one reason I chose him....looks like a knitting needle-there is no pain-just A LOT of leaking for the next 45 minutes....there is something kind of uncomfortable to feel like you are peeing your pants for that long...

I lay on my side and try to sleep in between watching "pawn star" and more waiting...still no pain or sign of changes-a trip to the bathroom and then things begin to seem different. Nothing major but the nurse seems to become more serious about things and states that I have made significant progress within a small amount of time...I translate that into: the end is coming soon.

I am right-all too soon I am at an 8 and starting to feel the overwhelming waves of pain begin to hit. Daniel quietly moves to the side of my bed knowing silence is how I do things. Slowly-my arms, hands, neck and lips begin to tingle and turn numb as I work through contractions-nervousness sets in and I finally break the silence as I complain to Daniel about this foreign development. He doesn't waste any time pushing the call button..."we need the nurse-parts of my wife's body are going numb"

The nurse promptly arrives and pulls her stool up to the side of my bed...she positions a oxygen mask down over my mouth and tells me to take deep breaths. My body was shifting through the stages of labor at such a rapid pace that it was going into shock-I wasn't getting enough oxygen-thus the numbness. "You can do this" she said as she looks me straight in the eye-I can tell right away which of my patients will be able to handle labor without an epidural and which can't-you can. From this point on-she doesn't move from my side. She holds my hand as she softly directs Daniel as to what to do-there was never time for him to do much before...

"the most important thing is to remind her during each contraction to relax and not tense up. If you feel or see her tense up, tell her to slow her breathing and relax her body."

"Your body is running a marathon Kendra and you are almost to the finish line-the contractions are the hills-give in to them instead of fighting...don't anticipate them."

"Sink in-rest during the time that the contraction declines...."

My legs start to shake violently and Dan looks over at the nurse for answers
"It's just her body's way of telling her that she is pushing it to its limits-she is climbing a mountain. It is slowly shutting down....you can do it...hold on...I don't know how much longer I can hold on."

I concentrate on making it through each contraction...one at a time...I try to keep myself from hyperventilating, from panicking....I am taken in sheer surprise as the pain of each contraction escalates and becomes more excruciating than the last. The sweat drips and oozes from my pores. Without permission, tears run freely down my cheeks-I can't keep them in anymore. Despair sets in as things seem to be never ending...finally he drops and things move to a hole other level. I announce that the pressure is becoming unbearable and she nods as she tries not to run to the door to call the doctor. Within seconds he appears-"its time to have a baby" his smile radiates from ear to ear and even through all my pain-I can't help but try to weakly smile back. He will make everything ok...he will make the pain stop.

Just when I think that I am ready to cross my finish line-the challenge of pushing holds me back. I put all my effort into pushing when they tell me to and hear the grunts and guttural moans of agony escape my mouth. I push until both my lungs are collapsed and there is no air left in me-they tell me to rest and breathe...I just want it to be over and continue to push as long as I can before gasping for more air. Frustration arrives as we get to the fourth try and I still can't get him out. My body is tired and I need the waiting to be over.The task seems impossible-yet I know the pain won't end even if I quit. I grab the rails of the bed and shake my head as I cry.

"Just one more push, just one good push and we will have your baby" some how I muster enough trust that he is telling me the truth and enough energy to give it one more shot. His promise is valid and with one more burst of effort and a little help as he pushes against my stomach I scream and seering pain races up my legs- I feel the head then the shoulders and finally the body and legs as he slips out of my body.... my poor sore body. I lay there heaving in and out crying and sobbing as the emotion I have been holding in-controling-lets loose from somewhere deep within me. My heart is still pounding as I take deep breaths.
I hear the distant murmurs of the nurses and doctors around me-
Doctor Empey: WOW! He's a chubby one! Like a train wreck tearing through there...
The Nurse: You did it Kendra! You did great! Your a rock star-it's over and you have a beautiful baby
Other voices: 8 pounds 2 ounces....22 inches long
Daniel: You did it sweets-he is here and he's huge-he chuckles on his way down to kiss my head and squeeze my hand...through his touch, I feel his pride-in me and in our new son
We are parents once again...to a sweet boy named graham. All I want is for my children to be here with us- to welcome their new brother and to feel of the miracle and spirit of heaven.

Small Things Bring to Pass Great Things

I am now 38 weeks prego and am ready to meet my baby boy-oh am I ready to be done....but in the mist of be achy a little depressed, and HUGE-I find myself amazed at the quiet acts of kindness and reminders of love-that HE is aware of me and my simple struggles:

*Dinner brought to my door unexpectedly on a night when dan is away on business and it is already getting late, all the kids are in the bath, and I haven't even started to think of what to make...I was tired and alone-I could tell she wasn't sure if she had done the right thing-especially with how I probably looked when I answered the door-THANK YOU for listening to that small voice-despite your reservations-I cried after closing the door.
* Cookies brought to share with my children and I -pumpkin chocolate chip! On a night when I needed something sweet and we were all out but I couldn't face going to the store:) They were perfect! THANK YOU
*Watching a primary teacher week after week love my child just as I would-accepting her hugs, being grateful for her pictures, patient, and kind-THANK YOU FOR LOVING AND TEACHING HER
*Last, my children-never before have they been so helpful in their short little lives than they have in the past couple days. Running up and down the stairs to get things for mom because it hurts her to do it, getting in the car before I have to ask, hugs, cleaning, the list goes on-THANK YOU FOR JUST KNOWING WHAT MOMMY NEEDS.

It's the little things and the people in life that make it worth trying when life gets hard....

Healing Power Of Nature

There's something about Nature...the sun, the blue sky, the gentle breeze, the beautiful trees, flowers,water, and creatures ...when I am depressed and down-it fills me with a sense of peace, hope, joy and gratefulness. I needed a renewal of those things a few weeks ago. What better way to do it than with family on a walk around Silver Lake in Park City. Life can get heavy at times, but God provides plenty of remedies to cure our heaviness. Life is  meant to have days like this-pure and good.

Kids Say the Darnest Things!

I have been thinking lately that I needed to write down some of the cute things and saying my kids have done and said lately before I can't remember them anymore:

Tavin: This summer we put Tavin in swim lessons- and despite being a little hesitant at first, he caught on pretty well. One of his classmates was named Natalia, and being to good friend that Tavin is, one morning I hear him cheering her on: "good job Italian! Good Job! Keep going Italian!" I had to kindly remind him that her name was Natalia-not Italian:)

Katie:Katie has become a lot more sensitive and aware as she has gotten older, and lately I have noticed she is very serious about "doing what Jesus would want her to do" I am grateful to her Sunday school teachers for teaching her this and for the FHE lessons on this topic that have seemingly affected her. Sh held the door for a man that was in a wheel chair and afterward, with a huge smile on her face, she said to me-that is what Jesus would want me to do:) Or the few times she remembers to share with Livy-she promptly comments that Jesus would be happy that she did that. I quietly encourage her efforts by agreeing and praising her. She understands how doing what is good and right it makes her feel happy inside. Perfect moments to share about the Holy Ghost! She is growing to be beautiful on the inside and out!

Livy: It must be because she has Katie and Tavin to learn from but she is by far the fastest to pick up words/talking. It seems like she has something new to say every week! This week it is "oh man!" We were putting together a puzzle and she would say "mom, where go, where go? I would point to the place where the piece would go and she would happily say "OK!" If a piece didn't fit where she wanted it to go, she would say-"OH MAN!" :)

Her other common saying: "No Way!" is the answer she gives when she is serious about not wanting to do something:) So asking if we can change her diaper often gets this response or if she is ready for nap time.

She says "I love me" when she wants to tell me she loves me:)
or "hold you" if she wants me to hold her.

She also has her own way of saying my sisters' names:
Kissy = Chrissy
Kisha = Krisha
Kimmy = Kimberly

And she calls the baby in my stomach-her soon to be little brother-"My baby"

First Grade Has Begun!

Tavin is now a first grader at Eastlake Elementary and is excited as ever to be in Mrs. Murray's class. The first day he whispered to me "mom, I'm a little nervous" but as usual-he is doing great! So far things have been going well and I can already tell he is improving in his reading skills. He is so good at math-something I struggled with during my school years-he must follow after his dad. And he is so friendly and social.

Back to school night was only 2 days after he started school and I was the first one to enter the classroom. I introduced myself to the teacher and she asked which child was mine:
"Tavin Bauman-the red headed little boy"
Mrs. Murray immediately began to tear up-oh no-what happened in only 2 days of school??
"Oh your little boy already has a special spot in my heart...a girl who is in our class and is in a wheel chair started school two days late. As soon as she came in the class room, Tavin, without even being prompted or asked went up to her and befriended her. He introduced himself and quickly made her feel at ease."

Of course, as a mother, my heart filled with joy, all those lessons on being kind and not judging someone because they are different-seemed to have payed off.

"That is Tavin for ya"

I am so grateful to be Tavin's mom and know that he is bound to do wonderful things! It is a privileged to be along for the ride. Here's to another successful and fun year of school!

Close to Popin' Time!

One of my secret hobbies/interests is watching animal planet or documentaries about animals...I just love it! Daniel is so good about humoring me in this and often times-when it is my turn to pick what we watch-he willingly agrees:) How nature works and the intricate features each animal is given to survive/thrive in life is amazing to me. Part of the animal instinct is to create and take care of/raise their own children. It brings me joy to see what good and dedicated mothers animals can be. And in the long run, I have it the easiest when carrying a child:

Elephant:18 months 

Giraffe: 14 months

Zebra:12 zebra

Humans: 9 months 

The first three months of this pregnancy have been the hardest out of my children. I think with age-my ability to handle the sickness and debilitating affects-has gotten worse. But the first time I was able to hear my baby's heart beat and see him move around so delicate and real in my tummy-it was love:) My heart fills with affection as I feel him kick and grow each day and I am truly excited for the next member of our family to come join us. Only 3 more months until Graham is here!

 I don't often remember to take pictures of my pregnant belly, but as Dan and I got ready to leave for a date last weekend, I had him take a quick one (while I felt pretty and put together. It is rare during my pregnancies that I have the energy to get ready)

Daniel insisted on me posing this way on the couch just for fun-we had a good laugh over it:) He cracks me u sometimes!

A powerful Quote about mothers: Mothers in today's society should be like a female Tiger guarding a gate....she patiently and effectively paces back and forth-aware of any and all predators that might come her way.  We need to guard our homes in a like manner-completely aware of the very real dangers of the adversary that linger right outside our door-waiting to destroy our family and lead our children away.

Angel Kisses

I am grateful to those who show kindness and love to my children and see them for the special people that I know them to be. One of these people works at This is the Place monument and museum in the barber shop. What a great grandpa he must be! When we walked in, he asked if any of the kids would like a shave like they did in the old days. Tavin was hesitant but Katie jumped right up in the chair for her turn. He cheerfully started to lather her face and explain the process of shaving in the old days using a dull blade to clean the shaving cream off her face. He then noticed her beautiful freckles.

"Little Lady you have a wonderful bunch of freckles on your cheeks and nose. Did you know that the pioneers had another name for freckles? Angel Kisses! You must be really loved to have so many-the same with your brother. The angels have kissed you lots:) "

He then put some mild aftershave on her cheeks and she happily jump down so brother could have a chance.  To someone else, this might seem like just a simple remark, but to my children it meant something. Ever since we left the Barber Shop both Tavin and Katie tell everyone what freckles are really called. The comment on other peoples' freckles and their own. It gives the confidence and fills them with love. Thank you to the man who took time for my kids.  

Boppa was able to come spend the day with us and I am also grateful for him and the part he plays in my life and theirs. We are glad when he comes to make memories. We learned a lot about our Heritage and those who made if possible for us to be here and have the blessings we enjoy...he is part of that heritage.

 Tavin standing in an Indian hut these were really cool to see and hear about. This particular one is for males. They would come here after battling in wars to clam their souls and clean their minds before going back to their families. I know we have some Indian heritage in our background from my father's side. Maybe that is where Livy has gotten her beautiful dark skin. Tavin was very intrigued by these structures and asked a lot of questions. He then asked if he could just sit in one for a little while....my sweet sweet boy who at 6 years old ponders, wonders, and meditates.

The actual "this is the place monument" commemorating the moment when Brigham Young announced that Utah would be the resting place/home for those who traveled so far. We are grateful for them and their sacrifices. I can't imagine taking my kids in unbearable conditions, have some of them dye.....that is faith....

 We were able to see an oxen up close-he was very friendly and even took a liking to Katie's dress-the bottom part is hot pink...he swiftly liked it up with his long tongue when she got close enough-thinking it must be some tasty kind of food. Thus only Tavin standing in the picture;) It was interesting to see a real life image of the animals that pulled the hand carts.

Kids visiting a small hut where thirteen people had to fit inside each night. During the summer months the boys would sleep up on the roof to create more room and in the winters they all huddled around the fire to keep warm. This little hut was about the same size as our bedroom.